With the election over, it's time to turn our attention to two truly gripping campaigns, writes Melinda Houston.
This week, Australia decides. Again. With the grand finale of the federal election finally concluded, with its usual quota of tears and air-punching, we turn our attention to the campaigns that have really gripped our hearts and minds: the finals of Australian Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
The received wisdom is that television talent quests are voted for - and therefore decided - by 12-year-old girls. With the unmistakable implication that 12-year-old girls are screaming, giggling, mindless bundles of oestrogen-drenched puppy fat who wouldn't know talent if it appeared before them dressed in $100,000 worth of Jean Paul Gaultier and carrying an armful of Academy Awards.
But if you look at the progression, and the results, of recent seasons of Idol or Dancing I think you'd be forced to conclude: either (a) it's not just 12-year-old girls voting; (b) 12-year-old-girls are much more canny than we give them credit for; or © all of the above.
Any TV talent show psephologist will tell you that the first intriguing, and encouraging, factor to emerge is the unerring instinct of 12-year-old girls (or the general public, or both) for a big fat fake.
Every person who appears on a talent quest is obliged to present as humble, likeable, with a self-deprecating sense of fun and a willingness to learn. But of course not every talent show contestant is, in fact, humble, likeable, with a self-deprecating sense of fun and a willingness to learn. There's always a cohort who, despite their best endeavours, appear arrogant, difficult to like, with no sense of humour - particularly regarding their own shortcomings - and coming across as having an irritating know-it-all attitude.
These contestants are always, always the first to go.
We don't mind a bit of backchat, but - in a fascinating insight into the Australian psyche - we'd really prefer it if people just did as they were told. This is no doubt in part due to an innate sense of fairness. Most of the time the judges do actually know what they're talking about, the contestant is wrong, and any argy-bargy merely proves that the contestant is both wrong and stupid.
But despite our famed disrespect for authority, 12-year-old girls (or the general public, or both) actually seem to want contestants to obey orders. I guess we like humility. And we'll forgive lack of talent as long as contestants give it a red hot go, and, ideally, improve. After all, a crucial part of the process is that contestants "learn" and "grow". How can they do that if they ignore the judges' advice?
