KYLE Sandilands has been angry for more than 20 years. Angry at his mother, his father, his stepfather, radio executives, media critics and anyone else who dares to take him on.



Perhaps all that is changing. Sitting in his Australian Idol dressing room he is relaxed, honest and direct. Maybe he's a bit crass, but there's no hint of the explosive, tantrum-throwing bully boy of yesteryear.
The 35-year-old, who last year replaced Ian "Dicko" Dickson as an Idol judge, attributes his new mellow attitude to 24-year-old Tamara Jaber.

"She's softened me down," he says, a week after giving the former Scand'l'us singer a $100,000 diamond-encrusted engagement ring.

When he was 10 Sandilands was wrenched apart by his parents' acrimonious divorce and became a rebel. At 15 he was kicked out by his mother and stepfather and spent the next year living on the streets of Brisbane, sheltering behind supermarkets and in an abandoned horse float.

At 17 he sought refuge with an aunt in Townsville. He arrived with all his possessions in one suitcase. He vowed never to have contact with his parents.

Sandilands fell into his first radio job in Townsville. Perth, Darwin and Brisbane followed before a move to Sydney to replace Ugly Phil O'Neil on Austereo's Hot 30 Show with Jackie O. He met Jaber soon after.

"She was only 18 and I was a fat, long-haired announcer," Sandilands says. "She was on Popstars and I thought she was cute and started harassing her until she decided to go out on a few dates."

The pair hit it off immediately, but now Sandilands wonders what she saw in him. He admits he was trouble back then, still nursing an inner rage towards his parents.

"I was a hard sort of person. I'd had no family association from 15 onwards. I just blocked them out."

Sandilands' career skyrocketed as fans lapped up his shock-jock antics. Behind the scenes, though, he had a reputation as an arrogant and intimidating nightmare, fuelled by the continuing rage against his parents

According to Sandilands, Jaber has turned all of that around.

"She's very family oriented, being half-Lebanese and half-Australian," he says. "They all live with each other. It's a very different culture and I wasn't used to that. I'd had no family contact but she fixed all that and now I talk to my parents all the time.

"She's very embracing like that. She's a lovely, soft person. She's softened me down but I've hardened her up as well. She's been caned by certain people who hated me. She's learnt how to deal with that."

Sandilands admits they have had "a few ups and downs", including a split when Jaber was in the musical Hair.

"That's just because of me being hard and her being the complete opposite," he says.

The relationship was tested again this year when Jaber decided to spend more time in Los Angeles to pursue her singing career.

"She's been gone half the year, going backwards and forwards to America, and I miss her a lot, which is good," Sandilands says. "I ring her six times a day when she's overseas."

Jaber's influence has mellowed Sandilands' reaction to his critics.

"My days of worrying about what everyone says about me have finished," he says. "I used to get really stressed. I used to read things about myself on the internet and I'd ring up someone who'd said something nasty ready to have a big confrontation.

"Now I've realised there are three categories of people: people who like you, people who hate you, and people who couldn't care less about you."

Many people would think those hard teenage years would make Sandilands more lenient when he judges young performers, such as Jessica Mauboy and Lisa Mitchell, on Australian Idol. He says, though, he is conscious of not letting that influence his verdicts.

"I don't think 16-year-olds are as weak as people make out. I don't want to think, 'She's only 16 and comes from an underprivileged family so I won't give her a hard time'."

Sandilands admits he occasionally slips back into being the old angry Kyle. When that happens, Jaber knows exactly what to do.

"If I need to be spewed at she will just arc up," he laughs. "If I need to be told and I need to be pulled into line she will do it, no matter where we are -- the supermarket, anywhere. She doesn't care. I think that's good."