According to my therapist, Dr. Phil, there are five steps to dealing with the end of a Canadian Idol season: denial, anger, fear, depression and, finally, acceptance. Luckily, these aren't steps I need to deal with since, you know, the season isn't over.



Wait, yes it is. Those CTV fucks! Grrrr!

I'm afraid it's the truth: Sunday night's episode was this season's last waltz, its final macarena. Or, to reference the dance craze sweeping Idol's top 10 this year, it was the final trying-not-to-fall-over. Seriously, during the show's opening group number, Chad Doucette and Brandon Jones looked like Elaine Bennis as they struggled to keep their rhythm and balance amidst a team of trained back-up dancers.

Luckily, other top tenners made a better impression. Rob James, in particular, sounded like butter… magical singing butter. And, as always, Ashley Coulter, who was dressed like a sexy zebra prostitute, carried herself like a pro.

But as judge Zack Werner pointed out, no matter how good some of the competitors were, Craig Sharpe and Eva Avila deserved to be in the top two.

More importantly, however, Avila deserved her eventual victory. In fact, to paraphrase Werner again, the singer is the show's most obvious candidate for international stardom. Of course, judges Farley Flex, Jake Gold and Sass Jordan have also consistently praised Avila throughout the season. In fairness, however, Jordan has also been spotted placing gold tickets on sleeping homeless people and saying things like, "You might be homeless, but home is where the heart is and you've got a lot of that! You're the greatest singer I've ever heard!"

Regardless, Avila deserves the victory. In retrospect, the entire finale seemed like a celebration of her efforts. Aside from the triumphant top 10 group numbers, Avila's all-time favourite performer, Nelly "Embodiment Of Evil" Furtado, performed a song, as did the African Children's Choir. Watching Tyler Lewis serenading some little African kid on his lap was a little creepy, but at least he wasn't singing R. Kelly's "Ignition" or anything.

Yep, it truly was a special night, and not just because the media room had an open bar. It also had these little wraps and a plate of assorted cheeses. We're not talking Kraft Singles either. We're talking real classy complain-about-your-high-tax-bracket, use-summer-as-a-verb, teach-your-kids-to-threaten-the-help-with-deportation kind of cheeses.

Of course, it takes more than a Dollarama bag surreptitiously filled with complimentary Jarlsberg to make television magic. Most of all, the show and its competitors were wonderful because they were so accessible, so relatable. As host Ben Mulroney said at the episode's close, Idol's more than a job, it's a family — one in which his important father doesn't derisively call him Ryan Seacrest and constantly tell him to get a real job (paraphrasing, of course).

Mulroney isn't alone. In a way, Canadian Idol links the whole country together in a big vote-driven family hug, fostering our weak-as-shit Canadian star system in the process. Example: at the season finale, some teeny-bopping audience member got her picture taken with American actor Zac Efron. And guess who was taking the picture: Lauren Collins from DeGrassi. She wasn't posing for pictures with fans; she was taking pictures for other people's fans. Do you think any of those O.C. chicks have ever taken a picture in their lives? No! Those American TV stars wouldn't even let their servants' servants take a picture. But here's an actress from a hit Canadian show forced to act like a normal human being, going, "Jarlsberg!" It's bullshit.

Hopefully though, with Canadian Idol's help, Avila will never have to take anyone's picture again. From here on in, if she wants to capture a moment, she'll just order the person to stand in the same position indefinitely. That's the kind of star our country needs and if any show can deliver it, it's Canadian "Can-I-Get-A-F***-Yeah" Idol.

—James Simons