Back in May when I first boarded the luxury cruise known as Canadian Idol's fourth season, I had no idea that months later I'd be hanging from a hunk of ice, gripping the frostbitten hands of the show's performers, gasping, "Whatever you do, don't let go" through my chattering teeth.



But sure enough, I've grown attached to the final contenders, Craig Sharpe and Eva Avila, who last night delivered their final performances before the season closer on September 17.

I've also grown attached to you, dear readers. So many of you have been kind enough to reach out to me, to let me know that — as silly as it sounds — my work makes a difference. Some have kindly informed me that I'm fat or that I've inspired them to want to kill me. Also, a lot of sarcastic fans have called me vulgar and noted my frequent swearing. Seriously, a lot of f***ing people have "complained" about the swearing thing.

I also received an email this morning from a fellow Chart writer and Idol fan who requested that I squeeze a bareback joke into my review of Avila's rendition of "Wild Horses" from last night, apparently in honour of all the jockeys who are reading this. Next thing you know, I'll have people standing over my computer shouting "Freebird!" Of course, I'm always anxious to please. So, this one goes out to you, Canada: the second-to-last Canadian Idol season four episode wrap-up.

During the course of Monday's show, both Sharpe and Avila performed "Meant To Fly," a tepid tune written by Chantal Kreviazuk, Raine Maida and Gaby Moreno that the winning contestant will eventually release. Unfortunately, the song itself spreads its wings and craps all over your head with trite weather and bird metaphors. Haven't we already been there with R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly?," Hilary Duff's "Fly?" or even Three 6 Mafia's "Stay Fly?" If readers start hanging at my desk screaming "Meant To Fly," remind me to spread my arms and leap out the window.

Nevertheless, the performers handled the bland material admirably. While Avila's version possessed an appealingly understated, earthy bounce to it, the singer's initial metaphorical flight sounded like it was phoned in from one of those $10-per-minute phones on the back of airplane seats. By the midway point, however, Avila brought her big powerful voice out to play and delivered some truly stunning notes.

Sharpe, on the other hand, turned the tune into the kind of power balladry that you might fear hearing while racing to your death in a falling elevator. Nevertheless, his impassioned delivery completely sold it, inspiring judge Zack Werner to run up on stage and hug the contestant in lieu of making a comment.

Sharpe obviously loves soaring Celine Dion-style songs. Perhaps that's why the contestant chose her power ballad, "I Surrender," for his second turn at the mic. Again, crap tune, good performance.

But Sharpe really shone on his final number, Rascal Flatts' "What Hurts The Most," by mixing his typical soaring choruses with some much-needed rhythmically dynamic vocal lines during the verses.

"The first time I saw you in Newfoundland," remembered judge Sass Jordan, "I knew you were a star. And my opinion hasn't changed a bit."

Avila, on the other hand, may not have emitted star wattage at the outset. But these days, it's easy to see why millions of Canadians are wishing upon her. Avila's intense version of "Wild Horses" by Natasha "The Stones have a song called this, too?" Bedingfield was more pleasurable than unprotected anal sex. (There, I just satisfied my quota for both bareback references and filthy, godless language.) Jordan, proving once again that she could raise some serious charity money if she set up a county fair ass-kissing booth, correctly enthused, "You are an international artist and you are the jewel in the Canadian Idol crown."

Avila's final song, Alicia Keys' "How Come You Don't Call Me," also showcased her looks, charm, confidence and, most importantly, controlled, versatile, soulful set of pipes. Unfortunately, as is often the case, the tone of her performance didn't correspond with the song's lyrics. Luckily, most viewers were fixated on Avila's flirtatious smile and were thus far too busy blushing and excitedly pointing at their chests while asking the TV screen, "Me?" to even notice the song's sad tone.

Indeed, both performers have cast a spell on the show's fans. The question now is: Who will go all the way?

Why don't we flip a coin? Weird, it says Queen Elizabeth will win. Stupid coin. She didn't even make the top 22.

Whatever, let's imagine that we went to the Idol mansion, tied Sharpe and Avila together and then flipped them. My bet is that it would land on Avila. Tune in to the special 90-minute Canadian Idol finale on September 17 to find out if I'm right.

Guests will include Nelly Furtado and the entire top 10. With any luck, they'll reveal the winner by tying the contestants up and flipping them.

—James Simons